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The Power of Social Connection
In Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World (2020), Vivek H. Murthy, MD, the former U.S. Surgeon General, delves into the health implications of loneliness and the protective benefits of social connection.
Dr. Murthy did not initially recognise loneliness as an area within his purview, but he came to discover its adverse impacts on many of his patients. He described one such middle-aged patient with diabetes and high blood pressure. The man explained to him how his life (and health) had gone downhill after winning the lottery. He had left the job and community in which he'd found friendship and purpose for a new neighborhood and lifestyle where he didn't feel he belonged.
Indeed, loneliness is pervasive in our society; so often experienced yet rarely discussed. An analysis by Chamberlain et al (2023) of the extensive Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging (CLSA) found that a quarter of women and nearly one fifth of men reported feeling lonely at least once a week.
Loneliness is increasingly recognized as a serious health risk. The research is catching up with Dr. Murthy’s experience and that of so many of us. Julianne Holt-Lunstad and her colleagues' 2010 meta-analysis found that those with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely than those without. Lacking social connection was deemed comparable to well-established risk factors such as smoking and alcohol consumption. Subsequent studies have found an association between loneliness and ailments such as coronary heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, depression, anxiety, and dementia. Loneliness is not just unpleasant; it can be deadly.
Loneliness is subjective. The experience of it varies from person to person based on one’s social needs. Loneliness is the feeling that you lack the social connectivity you require. It comes in three forms:
Intimate or emotional loneliness: the wish of having a close confidant or intimate partner;
Relational or social loneliness: feeling the lack of quality friendships and social companionship; and
Collective loneliness: wanting to be part of a group of people with shared interests and purpose.
Social connection is protective to health in part by decreasing the body’s stress response and reducing anxiety. By contrast, social isolation leads us towards hyper-vigilance; our bodies are flooded with stress hormones that enable us to react to a short-term threat. This is an evolutionarily useful adaptation to being alone (when we’re more vulnerable to threat), but when this state persists, cardiovascular stress and inflammation result.
As Dr. Murthy explains, alleviating loneliness is not always easy. There is a stigma around loneliness. No one wants to be seen as a social outcast, and loneliness can cause us to feel not only unloved, but also unlovable. Thus, it often causes us to withdraw rather than seek to connect, out of fear and shame. Further, there is a change in how we perceive threats when chronically lonely; social opportunities are increasingly seen as risks rather than opportunities. Stephanie Cacioppo’s work has demonstrated that the brains of lonely people detect social threats twice as fast as those of the non-lonely. Worse, when persistently lonely, rather than reaching out to connect, we may seek to escape the discomfort by engaging in self-destructive behaviours such as drinking, using drugs, and overeating.
Given the reinforcing nature of loneliness, it is much easier to address early. We should aim to recognize it as a signal that our social needs are not being met and take action to socially connect. In doing so, we can also help to alleviate the loneliness of others. As Dr. Murthy points out, “most of us are interacting with lonely people all the time, even if we don’t realize it.”
Dr. Murthy’s book provides some strategies for building social connectivity, which include the following:
Engage in service: Working with others to have a positive impact helps us build relationships, and redirects our focus from our own loneliness toward a greater purpose.
Be kind to yourself: Practicing positive self-talk in reviewing our own social interactions and relationships helps build social resilience; it gives us confidence to be vulnerable and reach out to connect with others.
Know thyself: Embrace moments of solitude for quiet reflection. Strengthening our connection with ourselves is protective against loneliness. We should seek to understand and honour our social needs, such as our introversion vs. extroversion.
Do good deeds: Acts of generosity reduce loneliness and improve well-being. Even simple friendliness to a stranger may be impactful. Dr. Murthy says “we never can tell when small interactions with others might be significant to them - or to us.”
Communicate face-to-face: Technology is helpful when getting together is not possible, but it can lead to lower quality interactions. Opt for in-person meetings when you can.
Prioritize people: As Dr. Murthy concludes: “Creating a connected life begins with the decisions we make in our day-to-day lives. Do we choose to make time for people? Do we show up as our true selves? Do we seek out others with kindness, recognizing the power of service to bring us together?”
Social connection is essential to our health and wellbeing and it can be improved with small steps in our daily lives. Instead of going to the gym alone, find a partner; instead of eating lunch alone ask someone to join you; instead of looking at your phone while waiting in line, strike up conversation with a stranger; instead of immediately putting headphones in on the airplane, chat with your seatmate for a moment. A kind comment or a smile goes a long way, influencing how you and others see the world. We know that changing your outlook can change your outcomes. Even when we don't feel lonely, social connection can improve our health, individually and collectively.
